5 Reasons to Include Mutual Masturbation in Your Sex Life

Increase your sexual repertoire with this solo but partnered experience


Masturbation is often seen as a solo activity: you with yourself. However, masturbation with your sexual partner enriches your sexual life; it upgrades it to a different level: one where you both gain knowledge about your triggers and pleasure.

For me, masturbation isn’t something I do only when I’m alone. I masturbate while having sex with my boyfriend; we do it as foreplay or as a second (or third, or fourth…) round of orgasms. It’s fun, and it’s something else that we bring to our sex life. Variety in sex is definitely a way of preventing boredom.

Masturbation is a sexual engagement; one where you connect with yourself, where you learn more about your body and what pleases you. Mutual masturbation is exploration; it’s foreplay, it’s sexy and pleasurable. It’s fun, and it’s a connection. There are several reasons why you should bring mutual masturbation to your sexual repertoire:

5 Reasons to Include Mutual Masturbation on Your Relationship

1. Spices your sex life

Seeing your partner masturbate is amazingly hot. Watching them getting excited in front of you, using you as their trigger is a complete turn on (for both of you.)

Each one will be the other’s teaser, but your pleasure is on your hands, literally!

Mutual masturbation will spicy your sex life; it can be seen as a bit of kinky: you are at the same time an exhibitionist and a voyeur. You expose yourself to your partner, and you get aroused by watching them being excited by you.

2. Deepens intimacy

Masturbation is a self-exploratory activity, it’s you, taking time for yourself: it involves dedication to your body and your triggers. You guide your pleasure and navigate in your body, exactly how you like it.

Sex with a partner is a shared body experience: you are alert to your partner’s pleasure and signals — you want to give them pleasure, and they want the same for you (they should want it.) While masturbating, you won’t have that extra focus: it’s all about you.

It doesn’t mean mutual masturbation is a solo act, much the opposite. Your partner will be with you all the time; you both will be the other’s arousal. Seeing your partner masturbate for and with you is a sensual trigger. Both are vulnerable to each other. This will deepen your intimacy and improve your sex life.

3. It will help you know your partner’s body and preferences

We are all different. What excites me is not the same as what might excite you.

Our erogenous zones are unique and respond different to stimulus. I, for instance, am not very sensitive on my nipples, while my boyfriend is super sensitive (and I am so jealous of him, he gets to have amazing pleasure with nipple playing.) No one reacts the same way to touch.

Through mutual masturbation, you will have visual cues of what gives pleasure to your partner. You will witness them react to points of pleasure: their breathing will stop short, they will moan or shiver with pleasure. You will learn the speed of their strokes or the sequence of touch in the clit.

Mutual masturbation allows you and your partner to learn about what gives you the most pleasure.

Understanding your partner’s body and what triggers them sexually will guarantee you both have a vibrant sexual repertoire. Mutual masturbation is informative: it is a step-by-step tutorial on how to pleasure your partner.

4. It shows your partner what you enjoy

The same way you get all the information about what pleases your partner, they will have the same input from you.

Sometimes, couples struggle to communicate their sexual preferences, what they would like to try or having their partner to do a thing in particular. Mutual masturbation is an excellent way to overcome this barrier: by showing each other what you like, and how you are mutually educating yourselves.

If you’re in the mood, besides showing your partner how you masturbate, tell them. Be more daring and describe your motions, tell them how that movement or specific touch makes you feel. Tell him when your orgasm starts to build up and when you’re about to come.

Also, if you’re masturbating with toys, let your partner know how you like to use them, which spot is “the spot” (some women prefer the vibration in the clit, others prefer the labia; some are more sensitive and prefer a softer vibration, others like it more intense…)

Verbal feedback combined with a visual demonstration will intensify your sexual bond and enhance communication.

5. It’s a great way to bring the toys to your dynamic

Speaking of toys, if you haven’t tried it or isn’t something you do as a couple, mutual masturbation is the ideal occasion to dust your sexual toys (or buy new ones) and put them to work.

Sexual toys are, without a doubt, an excellent boost for your sex life, including mutual masturbation. You can either choose one having a toy and the other using their hands only, or both having a toy. Go for a wand vibrator (my favourite!), a clit/prostate massager, a butt plug, nipple clamps, a dildo… The options are immense; you just have to explore and play. Go with the mood!

Discuss your orgasms

Never put pressure on yourself to orgasm — sex is the journey, not the destination.

Men and women have a different pace to orgasm. In general, men come faster than women. In mutual masturbation, it’s a good idea you talk about it with your partner and decide if you’ll coordinate your orgasms or go with your individual pace.

If you decide to coordinate your orgasms, the person who usually comes first can slow down their masturbation or stop for a bit, to focus on the other. They can play with their partner nipples or offer encouragement words (or talk dirty, if you’re into it.)

I need my time to come, but my boyfriend has multiple orgasms, so we both follow our paces and coordinate our orgasms. By now, he can interpret my body language. Still, I like to tell him when my orgasm is building up — he will make himself harder and be ready to cum when I do.

Final Thoughts

Mutual masturbation brings several benefits to a relationship and, in a casual sexual encounter, it adds extra fun and pleasure to the experience.

If you think you are not ready for experiencing mutual masturbation, for its exposure, don’t let that stop you. Start by doing it in a darkened room, using only the sounds of pleasure as guidance. When you’re comfortable, express yourself through words, telling your partner what you are doing and how it makes you feel. Gradually, add some dim light to the room, like a candle. When you’re ready, you can enjoy the full experience.

Eye contact is sexy and increases your sexual bond. Look to your partner, pay attention to every detail of how they pleasure themselves. Through mutual masturbation, you will expand your sexual life and make it more pleasurable and rich.

Watch your partner, listen to their reactions, learn with their self-touch. They will do the same with you. And next time you have sex, if both applied what you have learned, your bodies will be active fireworks!


© 2020 Emma London. All Rights Reserved

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