Routine has a negative impact on your sexuality. Here’s how to prevent it or come back from it.
Often, in relationships — especially long-term ones -, sex is neglected. Family and work responsibilities occupy too much space; stress and anxieties take over and kill our sensual vibes.
But even with its ups and downs, your sexuality should be a priority — for your physical, emotional and psychological health, but also for your relationship.
Routine will have a negative impact on your sex life, it will decrease your interest in it, and, consequently, your investment.
Sex will also become a routine; with the same old same triggers, the timed and usual foreplay; the same positions and the same comfortable physical approach.
This, per se, doesn’t have to be negative. Many couples have a happy sexual life in their “repetitive” style. However, many others let routine froze their sexuality.
But nothing lasts forever: you can change things. You can bring your relationship to where it was once. You can reignite your sex life. And you should.
5 ways to bring novelty to your sex life
1. Explore alternative places
The bed is, undoubtedly, the most frequent place where people have sex. It’s comfortable, spacious, and you can fall asleep snuggled with your lover, without having to move afterwords.
If you want to break the cycle of routine in sex, start by having it in a different place.
Do it on the sofa, in the kitchen stand, have shower sex; do it on the living room table or on the carpet.
This change of scenario will be enough to add some laughs and thrill to your relationship.
You can also take your partner out of the house: book a hotel room, try outdoor sex, have a quickie in the car!
2. Masturbate — solo and mutually
Masturbation brings you several benefits, including physical and emotional ones. But it’s not limited to that.
Through masturbation you will know your body to the detail; you will know how and where you like to be touched. And then you can guide your lover through your body, to increase your pleasure.
But masturbation doesn’t always have to be a solo activity.
Mutual masturbation is an extremely erotic and bonding activity. You can read more about it in my piece 5 Reasons to include mutual masturbation in your sex life.
One thing is certain: solo or mutual masturbation will awake your senses and your sensuality, which will positively impact your sexuality.
3. Spice up things
It’s normal to relationships go through different phases: some more intense, others lukewarm.
The main thing is to go through the phases consciously and do our best to bring the flame back; to reconnect with our partners. One infallible way to do it is to spice up things — to stimulate your partner’s senses, to seduce and arouse.
There are many ways to spice your relationship up, you better than no one will know-how. A few examples will be to send, randomly during the day, Sexy texts to your partner (aka sexting), teasing them while you’re having a shared meal, an unexpected kiss, buying new sexy lingerie…
4. Add sex toys to the fun
I’ve written before about the benefits of using sex toys, they will definitely bring novelty to your relationship.
There are a vast variety of sex toys, you just need to choose the one(s) you and your partner would like.
My suggestion is for you not to take your partner by surprise with sex toys unless you’re sure they will like them. For example, offering a butt plug to someone that never had anal play and never gave signs they wanted to try it, it’s a risky move. This brings me to the next point:
5. Communicate your desires and fantasies
Talking about your sexual desires and fantasies can be daunting, even if you’re doing it with a long-term partner. If it’s the case, I suggest you read my piece 6 Tips to Help You Share Your Sexual Desires to Your Partner.
Communication in a relationship is mandatory. And it should also include your sexual wants and needs. That ensures you’ll both have a fulfilled sex life.
If you feel your relationship needs a push, talk to your partner, tell them how you’d like to be touched, share your sexual fantasies, ask them for theirs.
Fulfilling your desires and fantasies is a great way to break the routine cycle.
6. Watch an erotic movie (or porn)
Watching erotic movies or porn will feed your imagination and trigger your arousal — both very useful when it comes to low sexual desire.
This activity can be done solo or with your partner. If you choose the latter version, I bet you both will have a great time, during and after the movie!
Routine has positive aspects, but if you accommodate to it, it will negatively impact your relationship and sexuality. You get comfortable in doing the same things — predictability feels safe, and it’s easily manageable.
But routine in sex is something you should prevent, especially if it gets to the point of you can’t remember when you last had funny, sexy and super-pleasurable sex.
By spicing up your sex life, you’re also investing in your relationship, rekindling the flame of passion and desire — ingredients always welcomed in a couple’s life.
If you look into your sexuality and find striking differences than from before — less sex, less physical involvement, decreased intimacy with your partner — it’s time to take action.
But don’t walk this path alone: you are two in a relationship. Surprise your partner with the suggestions I gave you, but also talk with them, honestly. Find your way back together.
Pinpoint when and why you think your relationship changed, and find ways to return to where you were before. Or as close as you wish. People change and relationships evolve and adjust — but that doesn’t mean you have to lose your sexual intensity and desires.
© 2021 Emma London. All Rights Reserved.