Explore the pleasures of prostate play, with or without penetration
There are still many taboos around male anal play, as if the practice is exclusive to gay men or it can potentially “make” a straight man into a gay one. This couldn’t be more absurd: anal play has nothing to do with sexial preference or identity.
The anus is an erogenous area; it has countless nerves endings. The same happens with the prostate, which is the equivalent to the female G-spot. When properly stimulated it’s very pleasant, leading men to incredibly intense orgasms. Why say no to that?
What is the prostate?
Also known as the P-spot, the prostate is a gland located right below the bladder and above the muscles of the pelvic floor; about two inches (roughly five centimetres) inside the rectum, towards the belly.
The prostate is about the size of a walnut, and it has the urethra — a duct that serves as a pathway to expel urine and semen to the exterior of the body — passing through it.
This gland has several functions, being the main one the production of fluid for semen (all the fluids that are part of semen are mixed in the urethra). The muscles of the prostate are also responsible for expelling the semen from the body, through ejaculation.
Besides the biological functions, the prostate — like the anus — has lots of nerve endings, which makes it a highly pleasurable spot.
Prostate Play: a complete guide for external and internal pleasure-giving
As said above, the prostate as well the anus -the opening and the anal walls – are rich in nerve endings, which makes them an erogenous area.
The anus is rich in nerve endings, making it an erogenous area. So why not explore it and add another sexual pleasure?
It’s important to clarify that anal play is not the same as anal sex: one can lead to the other, but it doesn’t have to.
You can explore anal pleasures with external stimulation only. Or, you can escalate it to fingering (only in the anus entrance or deeper.) Or, if you’re ready to explore it, try anal sex. But it’s entirely your choice; whatever your boundaries are, it’s okay. Just make sure your choices are based on your preferences and not social pressures and stigmas.
Before we go into the stimulation part, let’s first talk about prostate orgasm, since it’s very relevant to the matter. The word is, it’s spectacular!
According to prostate-play lovers, the P-spot orgasm — the same way women describe their G-spot one — is a full-body orgasm, not just localised on the penis or genital area but that resonates in the all body; accompanied with a deep sense of physical and emotional release.
Unlike penile orgasm — which can be achieved with a “minimum” effort -, prostate orgasms require more stimulation; a man will only orgasm if he’s fully aroused. Also, some men don’t necessarily need penile stimulation to achieve a P-spot orgasm; some get there only with intense and dedicated prostate stimulation.
Another fact that differentiates prostate orgasms from the penile’s is that with the first, men stated they don’t need a refractory period or, if they do, it’s shorter than with an ejaculatory orgasm (source).
How to externally stimulate the prostate
There is a significant difference in stimulating a prostate of a man that is used to it from someone that is a newbie on anal play. Being this article a “complete guide”, I’ll share all the steps.
Talk about it
First of all, discuss it with your partner. Anal play, even if only with external stimulation, is not something you want to catch your lover by surprise. So, beforehand, discuss the subject, explore his willingness to try it or, if it’s him who asked for it, be a good listener and respect the boundaries he established. Never take things further, even if he is too aroused and you think he’d like you to do differently.
Long nails are not a suitable match for anal play, so have them trimmed and filed, making sure there aren’t sharp edges that could cause tears in the anus, in case you’re going for anus stimulation (especially with fingering).
If, as a giver, you have concerns about hygiene or health, you can use a latex glove or a finger condom.
You externally stimulate the prostate by massaging the perineum, which is the soft skin that goes from the scrotum in the men and the vulva in women to the anus (photo, explicit).
The perineum itself is loaded with nerve endings, making it also an erogenous spot. So, by massaging it, you’ll be giving your man intense pleasure in two erogenous areas at once!
To externally massage the prostate, lube isn’t a must, as it is in internal stimulation; however, it will help to enhance the experience. Your fingers will slide better through the perineum, making the massage more sensitive and pleasurable.
You can, simultaneously, stimulate the penis or play with your partner’s balls, I’m sure he will appreciate it. If you didn’t discuss it into detail or you don’t want to ask it in the moment’s heat, be alert to his body language and vocalisations: they will tell you all you need.
If prostate stimulation is a new thing, make sure to ask once in a while “are you okay?” or “do you like it like this?” In time, you will learn what your lover likes the most, but until then, be alert.
How to externally stimulate the prostate
There is no set rule for prostate stimulation. Still, there seems to be a consensus amongst men that massaging the perineum with the soft pads of the pointer and middle finger, applying gentle pressure in the fleshy tissue, is the best way to do it. But it’s not enough to massage the area; you have to be specific.
For a directed prostate stimulation from the perineum, press your fingers inward and with a slightly upward angle and massage the area in a gentle motion. You will recognise the gland as it will feel harder than the rest of the tissue you’re massaging. When you hit it, your partner might feel he needs to pee, but that won’t happen, it’s merely a rational reaction, the body misreading the signs. Keep going, add penile stimulation or play with his balls and see how your lover reacts.
No one better than your lover to tell you (or show you) how he likes it. Start soft and build up from there, exploring and experimenting with pressure and massage rhythms.
When I’m engaging in anal play with my partner, I sometimes add a vibrator to the fun, either his P-spot vibrator or our wand. Often I start by giving him a blowjob with the sex toy placed on his perineum, or I stimulate his anus while the toy pleasures his prostate from the outside (I apply pressure on it.) He sure loves it.
Some men state that they don’t get erect during anal play. That’s not my experience; my partner always gets very hard. If that happens, it doesn’t mean men aren’t enjoying, just that the pleasure isn’t reflected on erection. Also, a prostate orgasm will not involve ejaculation; not unless if it’s a blended orgasm (prostate and penile orgasm, together.)
Internal Prostate Stimulation
The access to the prostate is done through the anus, so, if you want to stimulate it internally, fingering is on the menu. You can also use sex toys, but as a starter, I’d say fingers are the best. You’ll have the full sensation of what you’re doing, being much easier to control everything. Besides, it can be very pleasurable for you too. I love to finger my partner, to feel his pleasure escalate in my fingers and with my touch. But, as in everything in sex, you both need to be comfortable with all of it.
Again, here’s a reminder to never take your lover by surprise. Discuss previously how far he wants you to go — if fingering is okay or stimulating the perineum or the entrance of the anus is enough.
For a pleasurable and comfortable internal prostate stimulation, the man must be properly turned on.
You can start with external anal stimulation or another type of foreplay, like a blowjob or rimming (oral sex in the anus.)
The more your partner is excited, the more he will be relaxed and receptive to the internal pleasure you’ll give him. If he’s not properly relaxed, his anus will clench, making it harder to insert your finger. Take it slow and on his pace. Shift to a different stimulation if you feel he’s pulling back, even if slightly.
The most important thing you need to remember (besides respecting your partner’s body and wishes) is to use lub, a lot! The anus does not self-lubricate, so you need to keep the lube close by, to re-apply whenever you feel dryness. Never insert anything on your lover’s butt without proper lubrication. Besides dry anal play not being pleasant, you can tear his anus.
Unless your partner is familiar with anal play, take time stimulating his anus before trying to finger him.
With your fingers well lubricated, caress his anus’ entrance, giving it a massage with circular motions. You can use only one finger or several. Explore the area, gently; change the movement patterns, shift from massaging to rubbing. Assess how your lover reacts and go with the flow.
If you’re comfortable rimming, go for it, your partner will love it. For a start, explore his anus with a soft and wet tongue. Then, gently insert the tip of your tongue in his anus. This is an effective way to build up for internal anal play.
If you prefer to keep playing using only your fingers, make sure to lub them. When you feel your partner is very aroused, start inserting the tip of your index finger (or little finger.) If he clenches his anus, don’t force it, either stop moving or remove your finger and keep on the external stimulation.
Progressing from anal massage to anal fingering
The walls of the anus also have nerve endings which make them sensitive — erogenous. Fingering, when done correctly (with lubed fingers and respecting the receiver’s body) is sensual and very pleasurable.
When your relaxed and aroused lover is enjoying your anal-pleasure giving, insert the finger (I prefer the index) and gently and at a slow pace, explore his rectum. Don’t go straight looking for the prostate, enjoy the moment!
The prostate is closer to the front of your partner’s body, so, to reach it, you must point your finger towards his belly and slightly curving it.
There are several techniques to stimulate the prostate, but my advice for you, if it’s something you’ve never experienced before, is to let go of techniques for now and focus on your partner.
Focus only on giving him pleasure, while you’re also enjoying the moment. Explore, feel him, feel yourself; after all, it’s meant to be good for you too.
You will be able to easily recognise by touch the prostate as it will be like having touched a walnut; the shape and size will contrast with the rest.
When you feel confident and want to take a go on trying prostate orgasm (or as close as it gets), try this: with your finger pointed to the front of your partner’s body, upward, press the prostate and use a milking motion.
You can also curl your finger(s) in a “come here” motion toward the front of his body and keep is in a constant rhythm. Another technique to stimulate your partner’s prostate is to tap or rub around it, in circles (explore with the motions and patterns.)
Anal sex toys
There are lots of sex toys specifically for anal play. The most common might be the butt plug, but that is used more as a complement to sex than to anal play. You can insert a butt plug while being penetrated or when penetrating your partner, or while receiving oral sex.
An essential rule for sex toys to be used in the anus is that they must have a flared base or some other feature that ensures the toy won’t get sucked into the anus — usually, only a visit to the emergency room will solve that problem.
Anal beads, butt plugs, dildos, or prostate massagers are the most common and safe toys to use in anal play. They exist in many sizes and shapes, vibrating or not, and they are designed to rub against the nerve endings in the anal area.
Being specific for prostate stimulation, there is one sex toy I’d like to talk about: the prostate massager.
The prostate massager
Hardly I recommend using a prostate massager without your partner being already comfortable with internal anal play. As much pleasure as it will give him, it’s an object inside his anus, so he must be physically and mentally okay with that.
The prostate massager has a different design from dildos; its shape specifically reaches the P-spot.
As you can see, the top of the P-spot massager is shaped differently from the body, and it is pointed upward, towards the front of the man’s body, to reach the prostate.
This toy, as many vibrators, has several settings, changing both the intensity of the vibration and its pattern. It’s also a great toy to play with external anal stimulation, but when used internally, it offers incredible pleasures.
When I use the P-spot massager on my partner, I use the handle to massage his perineum, so he gets his prostate stimulated both externally and internally. This is an amazing sex toy for anal-play lovers, one I much recommend. It can also be used as a vibrator on women.
Despite the pleasures that come with anal play, never assume that your lover is up to it. Talk with him and agree on what you will explore and how far he’s willing to go.
Also, remember he can change his mind, so even if he told you he wanted to progress from external stimulation to fingering when the time comes, he might not be ready, so don’t push it.
Prostate play, either external or internal, is another way to increase the pleasure; the orgasms are so intense that it’s worth to build anal play up.
Exploring your partner’s prostate will bring him a sexual novelty, the new sensations and type of orgasm are too good not to explore.
Take it as slow as needed and go as far as he’s up to go. I’m sure that, in time, you will find common ground, where both take immense pleasure.
© 2020 Emma London. All Rights Reserved