I Used to Be Shy When Receiving Cunnilingus. This Is How I Overcame It., by Emma London

I Used to Be Shy When Receiving Cunnilingus. This Is How I Overcame It.

You shouldn’t fear pursuing your pleasure.


If you’ve been following my writing, you know that the sexualised woman I am today has no similarities with the one I was a few years ago.

Until I discovered who my sexual self truly was, my sex life was pleasurable but — and this was a big but — there was something missing.

It took me time and a lot of self-exploration to become as sexually happy and fulfilled as I am today.

Having a partner that embraces his sexuality as he honestly feels it, and lives it at the most, helped me immensely to be where I am now.

My sexual path has been a self-learning process, but my partner has a significant contribution to it. That’s why I became a fierce advocate for couple’s communication – sexual honesty is mandatory between a couple.

My relationship with cunnilingus (the before and after)

Amongst the many things I sexually repressed myself in the past, was oral sex.

I wasn’t shy about giving it; I’ve always loved to give head. My problem was with receiving it.

I was never truly relaxed while receiving cunnilingus. I loved the feeling of having a warm, sexy tongue exploring my vulva. Still, I couldn’t relax, my mind was always very loud.

There were several reasons for my lack of liberation about cunnilingus.

Unlike many women, that feel uncomfortable or insecure about receiving oral sex because of the potential smell or taste of their vaginas or for being self-conscious about their vulva, those reasons were never mine.

My reservation about cunnilingus steamed from different roots:

Cunnilingus is an intimate act

Like kissing, cunnilingus is, for me, an extremely intimate act.

I always felt this way, but when my partner and I were talking about the swingers lifestyle, this became even more obvious.

He was a swinger for many years and he loved it. I never tried it, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m open to the idea, but we’ll take it slowly, at my pace and level of comfort.

What I know is that, if we try it, I don’t want to see him going down on another woman. It’s too intimate, very personal. Cunnilingus and kissing are mine only. I don’t waste my time wondering why I feel this way, I just accept it.

It’s precisely this intimacy that made me shy about receiving oral sex. And it’s the intimacy about it that now makes me love it. Allow me to explain:

Even when I was married, I had intimacy issues with my husband. He told me so, several times, but I never understood what he meant.

Looking back, I clearly see that, because I wanted more from sex, because I needed different, my relationship with it wasn’t honest.

Often, I pulled back. Often, I wanted to say (scream!) that I needed something, but I stayed mute. How can one ask for something they don’t know what it is?

Now that I have a deeply honest relationship, one where the sex topic is talked through as any other topic, my posture changed radically.

I don’t fear intimacy anymore. I crave it; I cultivate it.

Now, I love to receive cunnilingus.

I love to open myself to my partner (both literally and figuratively) and to surrender myself to having him between my legs, offering me unbelievable pleasure.

Cunnilingus made me more self-conscious than penetrative sex

Because I used to see cunnilingus as an unbalanced situation – me receiving all the pleasure while my partner just gave it – it made me feel very self-conscious.

Instead of focusing on the pleasure that was being given to me, I’d focus on my mind. My thoughts were louder than my pleasure.

I felt it was selfish of me to receive and give nothing in return. Now I can see how wrong this concept it.

My partner loves going down on me. He gets super horny giving me pleasure. The same way I do when giving him head.

Sex doesn’t have to be a moment where the parts involved are actively receiving pleasure, not even during a 69.

In sex, you give and you receive, alternatively or at the same time. Sometimes, sex is only about your pleasure, others only about your partner’s pleasure. As long as it’s balanced and you’re both happy with how you feel, it’s all good.

You’re allowed to be selfish during sex. The same way your partner is.

And, even when we “just” give sexual pleasure, we also get it.

Acknowledging all of this was the ultimate step I took towards a happy, satisfied receiver of cunnilingus.

Give yourself the opportunity to find your sexual self

When you truly give yourself to the moment and embrace sex in its full potential, you’ll live a transformative moment. One that will impact you in the long-run.

I went from being a woman that pulled back from cunnilingus to one that not only loves it but also asks for it and adds kinks to it!

Squirting in my partner’s face

This was a massive step for me. I’ve only started squirting recently, and I had mixed feelings about it.

Now, after a lot of reassurance from my partner (he loves it), I squirt as many times as my body wants; I don’t repress it anymore. Not even during cunnilingus.

If a couple of years ago you’d tell me I’d be squirting in my partner’s face, I’d tell you, “you’re insane”. Now? I’ll just say: “it’s a fucking sexy kink!”

Your sexuality is yours only. Despite (also) being a shared experience, you should own it. You should find what pleasures you and what pulls you back.

And when you do, make sure you use your skills, your self-knowledge and, sometimes, your courage, to conquer the best sex you can have.

© 2021 Emma London. All Rights Reserved

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