How to engage in slow sex and the reasons why you should try it.
Each time you have sex is unique.
And it’s always unexpected. Even if you know it’s going to happen, you don’t know how you’ll feel, what positions will you and your partner try, or how intense the orgasms will be — or if you’ll have one.
For me, that’s all part of my fascination with sex. It’s always different, it’s always unpredictable, but it’s always pleasurable (I’m sure of this because I’m doing it with the man I love)
Depending on the mood, my partner and I — as I’m sure it happens with you — will engage in a wilder sex session or in a more romantic one.
When we want to feel closer to each other, when we are in an emotional mood (more than physical), we engage in slow sex. And it’s so, so beautiful.
Slow sex it’s a conscious way of connecting with your partner.
Sex is about physical pleasure and, for many, it’s also about emotional connection.
When talking about slow sex, we focus more on the emotional connection than the physical one. The latter is a mean for the first.
Slow sex: enjoying pleasure at a slow, devoted pace
As the name indicates, slow sex is about slowing down, it’s about the journey — to feel and truly experience everything that’s happening in your body, in your partner’s body and in your emotional connection.
Slow sex usually starts with a long (slow) session of foreplay that naturally evolves into sex.
But if you think slow sex is monotonous or two dimensioned, please reconsider. It’s anything but. Slow sex is active and diverse.
The core of the slow sex is to enjoy every bit of the moment, to pay attention to the details, to be aware of each other, holistically.
During slow sex, you will focus on your partner and they on you, at the same time that you’ll both pay attention to your own bodies. And the fact you’re doing it slowly allows you to savour each movement of your body and each sensation you’re receiving, as well as giving.
3 attributes of slow sex
Slow sex is characterised by three attributes:
- You have no rush, there are no external (or internal) influences. You are fully present at the moment, taking all the time for each stimulus you’re receiving and giving;
- You dedicate time to kiss only; to caress and feel your partner’s skin, you explore each bit of their body;
- Slow sex is rich in sensorial stimulation.
During slow sex, your movements are slow and smooth — you connect in a profound, sensitive way.
7 Tips on how to have slow sex
The focus of slow sex is not the sexual act (where usually the orgasm is the goal), but the sexual encounter itself. It’s deeper than the physical connection; it’s a bond, a devotion.
Here’s some guidance on how to have a fully pleasurable session of slow sex:
1. Plan it
Arrange a time and place where you won’t be disturbed. This includes your phones: turn off the notifications. If you set your phone on “do not disturb” mode you can program it to only receive calls from your emergency contacts.
Often, a fully relaxed (and deserved) sex session will only happen if you plan it. So be it!
2. Clear your diary for at least thirty minutes
Hopefully, you can clear it for longer, but if it’s not possible, make it for thirty minutes.
Women take longer to climax than men. Our average to orgasm after initiating sex is eleven minutes, while the male average is four (source).
As the idea of slow sex is to dedicate yourselves to each other, to give and receive pleasure, you will need time. Pleasure without rushing.
For those who struggle to achieve orgasm, slow sex is a way to take the pressure off. And by taking your mind out of it, you’re freeing your body to relax and to achieve orgasm more easily.
And because you will have time to spend in (lots of) stimulation, the orgasms might be more powerful than they usually are.
3. Connect with your partner
Even before you start foreplay, take a few minutes to breathe deeply; to disconnect from the “outside world” and fully relax.
Then slowly engage with your partner. Start by kissing or feeling their skin. Touch is so important in a relationship.
First of all, connect with your partner; allow yourself to feel vulnerable. Pay attention to them, be aware of them, appreciate them.
As much as you’ll be tempted to rush into penetration, resist it. It’s worth it, I promise. Savour each other, slowly.
4. Use sensual props
To set a sensual and special mood, light the room with candles, fragrant ones so your olfactory sense has extra stimulation.
Choose a romantic playlist and set it on in a lower volume.
To make it more special, offer your lover a delightful massage, with aromatic oils. Feel their body, focusing on their erogenous areas (without teasing too much.)
By stimulating all your senses, you strengthen a whole connection; you enrich your foreplay.
5. Oral sex as connection
Oral sex is often used as foreplay or as a sexual act itself.
In slow sex, giving oral (or doing 69) is a bit different — you do it slowly and gently, not so much to lead your partner to the edge of pleasure, but to taste the moment (literally and figuratively.)
The goal of oral sex in slow sex isn’t to get your partner “ready” for penetration, but merely to give and receive pleasure, to connect.
Even if the receiver gets too excited and wants to jump into penetration, resist the temptation. Slow down the stimulation, alternate it with a different one, like kissing and stimulating another part of the body.
6. Things to do during slow sex
Because penetration will be delayed and slow sex should take at least half an hour, you can engage in many erotic acts.
Here are a few ideas:
- Look at each other, appreciate your gaze and your bodies, while softly touching;
- Tune your breathing;
- Hug each other;
- Give a massage with an aromatic oil;
- Kiss your partner’s body, from top to bottom;
- Whisper loving words;
- Masturbate your partner or engage in mutual masturbation.
7. Penetration as the last connection point
When you penetrate your partner, don’t break the slow-paced rhythm of your love-making. Enjoy the sensations, focus on their reactions. Feel each other.
By now, you should be both very aroused, but try to hold on to that sensation for a bit longer.
Enjoy the penetration, feel each thrust, connec through your eyes, through kissin and touching. Make it whole.
The benefits of slow sex
Besides it might be a change in your sexuality, slow sex offers other benefits; not only to your sex life but also as a couple. You become more committed to each other, more intimate.
These are the major benefits of slow sex:
- Because you’re engaging in a pleasurable activity, it contributes to lower your levels of stress;
- Because of the time you spent in arousing your partner, slow sex is a facilitator of orgasms; it gives time to build them up without pressures;
- Devoting time to enjoy your partner’s body and the sensuality of the moment will make you try several sexual positions and new stimulus;
- Because you take time to connect and listen to your partner’s body language and verbal communication, slow sex strengthens trust and improves the communication between you two;
- Slow sex facilitates exploration and discovering new erogenous areas.
Slow sex it about savouring every bit of the journey, to notice the details, so often overlooked.
Slow sex is turning off the automatic pilot and pay attention to what’s happening in your and your partner’s body.
I have slow sex often, and once in a while it still happens me wanting to rush it, to push my partner inside me. But I resist — it’s worth the wait.
Trying to rush is it’s perfectly normal. But if it happens, find ways to resist it.
What works for me is to look into my partner’s eyes (and to his smile — he often gives me such a beautiful and involving smile when we’re making love) and I also breathe in his fragrance; I love it, and it always tunes me with him.
Listen to your body, pay attention to what you’re feeling; focus on one sensation.
Besides being especially pleasurable, slow sex deepens your bond and strengthens your relationship. Make sure you include it in your intimate life.
© 2021 Emma London. All Rights Reserved